Terça -feira, 3 de dezembro de 2019

De ratos e morfina

“Você parece um odiador agora, cara”

Depois de outra festa de jogadores unibet imensamente agradáveis, Lappin e eu inesperadamente cambaleamos da boate com um pouco de álcool em nosso sistema.Não sabíamos disso na época, mas ele também tinha um pouco de cálcio em seu sistema.Mais sobre isso mais tarde.

(Esta e todas as outras boas fotos deste blog cortesia de Tambet Kask e Lenka.Todos os porcaria são meus)

Quando deixamos nosso colega embaixador do poker, Monica perguntou se seguiríamos um dos influenciadores de volta ao hotel.Enquanto caminhávamos, a senhora em questão tentou fazer uma conversa educada, sugerindo que algumas celebridades reais estavam na festa.É sempre arriscado trazer à tona a natureza da celebridade com Lappin, e antes que ela percebesse, ele estava tentando fazê -la questionar sua vida e valores e lançar dúvidas sobre toda a profissão de influenciador.Para seu crédito, ela se manteve firme e defendeu sua profissão, antes de apontar que ele parecia um odiador.

Como ela me agradeceu (eu não tinha dito uma palavra: eu estava bêbado demais para me envolver no debate) e não Lappin por passear com ela de volta, olhei e vi Lappin rindo incontrolavelmente.Ele não é um homem de prazeres simples, mas sabe onde encontrá -los.

Tratores e outras tradições parisienses

Eu aterrissei em Paris quando meus colegas embaixadores estavam presos atrás de tratores a caminho do evento Tag Team.Eu entrei alguns deles para o conteúdo do dia da manhã seguinte, que consistia em caminhar por alguns pontos turísticos.Fomos no arco de triomphe antes de nos aposentarmos para um café para os prazeres parisienses tradicionais de doces e assistir Espen flertar com a garçonete.



The highlight of the day for me came at a tour of the Paris Saint Germain football stadium, Parc des Princes. I’d been there once before, not for a football match, but a Bowie concert in the mid 90s. The tour is well worth doing: they bring you in the way the players enter the stadium, through the away dressing room and showers and out onto the pitch itself.


The welcome drinks that evening were also there.


And then poker

I left early to get a good night’s sleep before the main event. My first bullet was a pretty miserable affair as I busted just after the second break, but my second one was a lot more memorable. Not only did I find a bag, but also the most famous person in the room to my immediate left, with Monica to his left.


“So I had this spot in a satellite...”
“Just buy the book already you cheap bastard”

It’s fair to say Patrik wasn’t exactly taking it fully seriously, with some non GTO approved plays like raise calling a shove blind under the gun, raise calling another shove with 93o before eventually blinding out of the tournament in a novel way.

My day 2 was a swingy affair as I tried unsuccessfully to nurse a small stack into the money, coming up eight places short when my ace ten couldn’t hold versus ace nine. It doesn’t even qualify as a bad beat as I’d only looked at the ace so was lucky to be ahead preflop in the first place.

Night walks with an idiot abroad

I did some stints in the commentary box, and particularly enjoyed two scenic walks back to the hotel from the casino with Lappin, Iany, Davitsche, Adrian, and Henry.

Paris is impressive at night, and my biggest abiding impression is how little the city has changed since I lived there almost three decades ago (in comparison to Dublin which has changed almost beyond recognition).



On one of the night walks we were all marvelling at the Louvre pyramid, except Iany who was Pokemonning on his phone as ever. He did finally look up to squeal excitedly:
“Oooo that’s in The Da Vinci Code”.

An eventful Sunday for Lappin

The morning after the party, Lappin and I dragged ourselves out of bed with the tentative plan to go play the turbo side event. He was hoarse and very much the worse for wear after his early morning debating, but despite visibly struggling at the table managed to ship the event, much to the delight of his colleagues.


We decided to celebrate with another scenic walk back to the hotel, before our hunger got the better of us and we ended up in Five Guys. Things took an unexpected turn when Lappin suddenly started to feel really bad, and announced he was pretty sure he had a kidney stone and needed to head to an ER. Google Maps decided the nearest one was in Neuilly sur Seine, Iany called us an Uber, and as the only French speaker in the group I decided the only decent thing to do was to accompany him.

As David convulsed in pain, the driver unexpectedly stopped in the middle of nowhere in Neuilly sur Seine and said we had reached our destination.

The following conversation (translated from French) then went down
“Get out of the car”
“There’s no hospital here. We need the hospital”
“This is your destination according to Uber”
“My friend has a medical emergency. We need to be brought to the hospital”
“I can’t do that unless you change the destination on Uber”
“We didn’t book this. Our friend Ian did”
“I can ring Ian”
No answer
“Look can we just give you cash to take us to the nearest hospital? It really is an emergency”

He dropped us off at something called the American Hospital of Paris, which may or may not be an actual hospital, but certainly wasn’t open.

O Google Maps nos disse que estávamos a apenas um quilômetro do hospital real, então eu guiei o dobro de Lappin lutando por sua excruciação pelas ruas Suburban vazias.Provavelmente, para o melhor que estavam vazios, pois parecíamos uma visão, um dobrou de dor na pedra dos rins, o outro tremendo por falta de casaco.



Ele foi admitido enquanto eu ficava na sala de espera aguardando desenvolvimentos.Este não foi o primeiro rodeio ou pedra renal de Lappin, que era assim que ele conseguiu reconhecer os sinais, e ele ficou claro que o que ele precisava era o melhor analgésico conhecido pela humanidade.

"Morfina.Dê -me morfina.Eu preciso de morfina.Morfina agora ”
“Em uma escala de 1 a 10, quão ruim é a dor?”
"É cem.Agora vamos colocar a morfina em mim ”

Quando ficou claro que ele teria que ficar a noite em que voltei para o hotel, deixando -o com as necessidades mais básicas para sobreviver em 2019, um banco de energia e um cabo.Cheguei a questionar temporariamente essa decisão quando meu telefone morreu na caminhada e fui forçado a navegar por lembranças de Paris, trinta anos.

Nós encontramos Remy

Depois de conferir na manhã seguinte, voltei para visitar o agora alto lappin (caso você esteja curioso, não há absolutamente nenhuma diferença entre Lappin alto e Lappin normal. Literalmente nenhum, exceto um pouco mais alegre).Reparamos em um restaurante para sopa de cebola francesa, onde Lappin começou a ver um mouse.

No começo, eu pensei que poderia ser a morfina, mas depois a vi.Ligamos para o garçom e ele também viu o mouse, mas levamos muito mais em seu ritmo do que você poderia esperar.



A conversa a seguir também foi traduzida do francês:
"Isso é um rato"
"Sim senhor"
Ele deu de ombros quando o olhamos com expectativa.
"Você gostaria de se mudar para outra mesa?"
Foi uma pergunta inesperada.Nós olhamos um para o outro, ambos lutando para ver como isso foi uma solução para a situação do mouse, então ....
"Hum ..... não"
Outro encolher de ombros do garçom
"Heh, isso é Paris"

After he left we started seeing more mice, at which point we decided to pay the bill and skip dessert, which we enjoyed instead in a nearby mouse free establishment.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed Unibet Open Paris. There is a tremendous atmosphere and team camaraderie among the ambassadors and Unibet staff, who are all great fun to spend time with. It’s also heartening to see someone from the esports/influencers world, Monkeyism, make a real effort to interact with us all and pitch in on stuff like commentary. A big thank you to all the players who interacted with me at and away from the tables.

And what can I say about Lappin that hasn’t been said already? Sliving.

Goodbye to the 10’s

On the plane back I was lucky enough to be sat beside the cutest most charming little French girl ever (she spoke perfect English and French) and her mother. Well, until she announced in a loud voice as we were taking off
“I’m scared mommy. You know why? Because we could collide with another plane and be smashed into a thousand pieces. Or we could crash and be burned alive”

And freaked everyone out.

This was my last live poker trip of the decade, and given that I made it home without being smashed into a thousand pieces or burned alive I’m looking forward to a month at home on the online grind, working on various other poker projects, and working hard to prepare for another decade in poker.

Thanks to all my readers who followed the last decade, and have a great Christmas and happy new year.

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